Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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