I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
