i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
