My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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