Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Well douche your snatch and let's go!

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(514): View more from Quebec

i'm home, then i'll come over

(1-514): View more from Quebec

ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa

(514): View more from Quebec

nvm.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy

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(336): View more from North Carolina

the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.

(336): View more from North Carolina

"people in the room" being me.

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(713): View more from Texas

You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!

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(714): View more from California

the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?

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(607): View more from New York

Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.

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