she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
