5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
