There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
