I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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