I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
