haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
