I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
