I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
