everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
