so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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