I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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