Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
