I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize