First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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