I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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