i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
