the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
