hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
