Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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