u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
