we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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