I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
