His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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