It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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