My first STD was from a foam party
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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