The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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