i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
