On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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