Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
