Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
