so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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