that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
