You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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