I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
