Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
