woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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