All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
