Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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