I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
