did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
