She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
