I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
