Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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