I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
