I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
