My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
