my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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