just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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