So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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