Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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