Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
