He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize