I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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