I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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