is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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