I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
