totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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