Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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